By Victoria T. Davis
When talking about health care, disease and nutrition are frequently and freely discussed. Sexual health is not discussed as often, although it plays a vital role in an individual’s well-being. A study by the Alan Guttmacher Institute titled, Sexual and Reproductive Health: Women and Men, found at least three-fourths of all men and women had intercourse by their late teenage years, and more than two-thirds of all sexually experienced teens have had two or more partners. As the study shows, Americans are very familiar with sex, but are they educated on the subject?
Indiana Minority Business Magazine spoke with certified sex therapist and licensed mental health counselor Lara West, of Mount Saint Francis, Indiana, to get answers to some of Hoosiers’ most daring and embarrassing sex questions.
IMBM: Is it normal to lose interest in the middle of sex?
West: There are several reasons why one might lose interest in the middle of sex. Low testosterone can be a reason. Maybe your partner is not an attentive or competent lover. Maybe something else is on your mind or you are not in the mood. One thing you can do if you find your mind wandering during sex is to check in with yourself and your partner. Are you being an active participant? Discover what you can do to bring yourself back into the moment and make things more interesting.
Why do some people have a hard time achieving an orgasm?
There are multiple reasons for experiencing difficulty in orgasming. Medications, alcohol, anxiety and trauma are all factors that could prevent an orgasm. Check with your doctor to see if your reproductive area is working OK, if your hormone levels are within normal limits and to see if your medications have sexual side effects. If all of these check out OK, look at your alcohol use or other substance use before you have sex. Is anxiety or trauma affecting you sexually? And last but definitely not least, do you and your partner know your body well enough to know what stimulation you need to reach orgasm?
Is the G-spot real?
Yes, the G-spot is real. The G-spot (named after Ernst Grafenberg) is a spongy area on the belly-button side inside the vagina above the pubic bone. Some lucky women can orgasm when this area is stimulated, but not all women. Most women happily reach orgasm with clitoral stimulation; so don’t knock yourselves out trying to produce an orgasm by hunting down this elusive area, unless that is what makes you happy.
Some individuals find themselves ejaculating too quickly. What could be the problem?
Some men are biologically geared to rapid ejaculation. What I tend to see more often is less genetic and more anxiety-related. So for the moment, let’s not call it a problem, how about we just call it a pattern of behavior? Most patterns of behavior have evolved out of necessity, and so has rapid ejaculation. Maybe you learned this pattern so someone wouldn’t catch you masturbating, or you didn’t want the kids walking in on your date night, or your previous partner complained you take too long. So take this moment to retrain yourself. If Tiger Woods can refashion his golf swing, so can you.
Why can’t men have multiple orgasms like women?
I am happy to report that men can have multiple orgasms. After checking with my men’s sexuality gurus (thank you Jody and Jean), it appears that some men can have sequential orgasms, and it is more common when men can delay ejaculation. It helps to keep the sexual intensity at a high level as well.
Women are associated with faking orgasms. Are men just as guilty?
Heck yeah, men can fake orgasms too! Think about the man whose female partner wants to have a baby, but he does not, so he fakes an orgasm to make his partner believe he is doing his part. If everyone were honest and upfront about his or her sexual behavior with his or her partner, I would be out of a job! Seriously though, if someone is faking anything in a relationship, it may be a good idea to think about what is really going on. Why is there faking going on? Try to have an open conversation with your partner, and if this is not possible, seek out a therapist who can help clarify what the faking is about, what role it serves, and how to address it in the relationship.
